The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
