This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
