when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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