never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
