Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude i'm inner monologue high
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
