so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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