Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
