Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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