I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
