Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?