Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
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My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.