Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.

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  (408): No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles. http://tfl.nu/hp1m
  Replies (10) Good night (3638) Bad night (992)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part

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  (612): who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part http://tfl.nu/ohmf
  Replies (11) Good night (737) Bad night (4935)
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  (328): View more from

  im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

  (1-328): View more from

  anal.

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  (328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg
  Replies (33) Good night (5942) Bad night (1584)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

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  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7777) Bad night (1228)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1917) Bad night (4205)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

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  (978): That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS. http://tfl.nu/x0o9
  Replies (11) Good night (3226) Bad night (1217)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...

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  (215): I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands... http://tfl.nu/sf3a
  Replies (4) Good night (1270) Bad night (446)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?

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  (302): How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel? http://tfl.nu/4qia
  Replies (11) Good night (709) Bad night (1463)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned

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  (908): And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned http://tfl.nu/t8ci
  Replies (8) Good night (1000) Bad night (439)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice

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  (306): so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground (306): and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice http://tfl.nu/0q9q
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (315)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.

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  (305): I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me. http://tfl.nu/8pa6
  Replies (6) Good night (434) Bad night (990)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.

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  (940): I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/gvul
  Replies (5) Good night (297) Bad night (620)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital

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  (613): Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital http://tfl.nu/nh6p
  Replies (8) Good night (1617) Bad night (453)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected

  (1-310): View more from California

  Only you would come out as bi like that

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  (310): I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected (1-310): Only you would come out as bi like that http://tfl.nu/6y64
  Replies (2) Good night (862) Bad night (341)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.

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  (623): There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence. http://tfl.nu/2ktx
  Replies (2) Good night (943) Bad night (358)

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