Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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  (586): The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain" http://tfl.nu/88as
  Replies (2) Good night (1983) Bad night (743)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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  (512): You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore. http://tfl.nu/p34m
  Replies (8) Good night (1334) Bad night (3303)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

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  (617): So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus? http://tfl.nu/bsxq
  Replies (19) Good night (1234) Bad night (5698)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1394) Bad night (1821)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Did strip banana grams actually happen last night

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  (607): Did strip banana grams actually happen last night http://tfl.nu/pz66
  Replies (5) Good night (1543) Bad night (935)
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  (559): View more from California

  Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes

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  (559): Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/dyqg
  Replies (12) Good night (4292) Bad night (845)
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  (310): View more from California

  We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....

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  (310): We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries.... http://tfl.nu/y7n3
  Replies (9) Good night (1074) Bad night (720)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now

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  (604): yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now http://tfl.nu/b5id
  Replies (8) Good night (542) Bad night (1160)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

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  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
  Replies (6) Good night (1636) Bad night (609)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.

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  (609): Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced. http://tfl.nu/7v0e
  Replies (8) Good night (573) Bad night (1246)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.

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  (513): So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time. http://tfl.nu/30oo
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (480)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.

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  (701): Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open. http://tfl.nu/k8hm
  Replies (9) Good night (2263) Bad night (453)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far

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  (505): Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far http://tfl.nu/o8xj
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (155)
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  (646): View more from New York

  you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf

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  (646): you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf http://tfl.nu/pvlk
  Replies (0) Good night (251) Bad night (213)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.

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  (905): Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like. http://tfl.nu/sn8m
  Replies (3) Good night (189) Bad night (473)

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