and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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