That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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