If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
