his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
