Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
