Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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