So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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