so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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