im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
