I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Buhtt sex?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
