Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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