90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
