she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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