I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
