Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
