My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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