how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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