This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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