I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
