I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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