Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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