So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
