what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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