I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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