you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
