How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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