just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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