Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
