hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
