Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
