Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
