it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
