you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
