I cut my penus on the lid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
