Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
