Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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