i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
