hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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