You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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