I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize