Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
