i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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