no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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