Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
