Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
