That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
