Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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