Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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