I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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