and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
