So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
