no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
that is very illegal...i love you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
