He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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