I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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