I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
