do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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