You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Buhtt sex?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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