I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
