very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
