Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
