I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
