Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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