Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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