Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
