I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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