..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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