never play flip cup with pint glasses
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
