I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize